Sparkling Romance: Tips for keeping the flames alive

Tragically, many marriages will fail this year. While we do not have accurate marriage statistics here in Nigeria, a careful look at the society will quickly identify many marriages struggling and on the brink of collapse. Most alarming is the high rate of infidelity among married couples (especially men) these days. It is alarming because it is not kept secret again. The funny thing is that these same individuals went to the ends of the earth to win their partners when they were first dating. So what happened to the sparkle, the funny “I-Can’t-Sleep-Until-I-See-You” feeling?

The effects of a struggling marriage are insidious and they are not visible until after such a long time. Frankly speaking, the fabric of the human society is being torn to shreds. All human vices can be traced to some failure in the family setting. This is why it is so important that men and women, who are bound in matrimony do everything to protect it from failing. The repercussions are seen in the high rate of crime, immorality, behavioural dysfunction observed in the youths of today.

I doubt if you want your own experience to fill up the statistics, and I have an assurance that you intend to stand out and win in this area where many seem to be failing. It is important to mention that the church has not provided us with all the answers we need in this area, considering the fact that a high number of christian marriages (with the voice from heaven and all the angelic visions) form part of the statistics. So what do we do in addition to all that we have known?

#1. Pray together, all the time. A recent research showed that couples who prayed together tend to remain faithful to each other. While it may seem a simple thing, a sincere evaluation will reveal that not many couples really pray together. It doesn’t cost much for a man to call his wife to pray with her in the morning, even when he is not at home.

#2. Have a date together. It could be going out to eat together, or going to the movie together, just the two of you. No children please. See, when you go out on a date and take the children with you, your attention will be on the children and it will dampen the attention you’ll give to each other. Yes, there will be moments when you and the children need to have a date together to strengthen the family bond. This is not that moment.

#3. Dress beautifully. Women this is for you. Remember when your husband started to court you and you wouldn’t dare go out with a hairnet or face unwashed in the morning? Do you remember how much time you spent before the dressing table in preparation for his visits? Now, you are married and you tie a wrapper around the house, come on! You forget that men are creatures of sight and what they see goes a long way in influencing them. There is a lot of competition out there (unholy and dangerous) and you need to up your game. Guys, this is for you also. You have to look groomed all the time, smart and handsome.

#4. Complement each other. We never become too old to respond to a sincere “I love you” or “You look smashing.” This is one area where couples fail and this is the area that takes the least effort to implement. Even If you are a scrooge, it doesn’t cost a kobo to say “I love you.” Look for new and exciting ways to complement each other, and when you do this, don’t just do it mechanically. If you are a guy, hold her hands and look deep into her eyes and whisper softly that you love her with all of your heart. If you are a lady, wrap your hands around his neck and kiss him softly telling him he means the world to you.

#5. Play together. All work and no play, they say, makes Jack a dull boy. Same way, all work and no play makes marriages boring. Unfortunately, the current economic problems have stifled the time couples have to spend with each other. Your responsibility is to create this time. Look for games that you both enjoy playing and create time to play together. What playing together does is that it makes the two of you laugh together (well, that’s if you are good sports) and nothing thrills like a good laugh together.

#6. Create surprises. Once in a while get him or her gifts, or do things that will surprise your partner. One of the evidence of couples in a romantic relationship is the giving. This creates a pleasant feeling of being loved, especially when it comes as a surprise. Ladies, if you reall want to hold the heart of your man, get him gifts, special gifts, and surprise him. It could be a card or chocolates (especially for ladies), doesn’t have to be expensive, and don’t forget to add a love note.

#7. Cook together. Guys this is for you. Yes, I know you are the man of the house but honestly speaking, it will not reduce your manliness a bit if you spent more time in the kitchen with your wife. Women don’t expect you to cook (yes, we know all know the outcome) but staying with them while in the kitchen is something that fires their hearts. If you really want to go for the knock out, take over the kitchen one day and cook for the family.

#8. Read together. Find books that interest the two of you and read together. You may even take turns to read the paragraphs or the chapters. Especially important is the reading of the bible together. It binds the two of you together at the spiritual, emotional and intellectual level.

#9. Chat. Nothing can replace the place of communication in a happy and succesful marriage. Couples should open up to each other on all issues. Let him or her be your only ebuddy. Some individuals, especially females, have friends or colleagues at work they make their chat buddies. Unfortunately, you are depriving your marriage of an essential life line. well, you know your husband well, he is a quiet type. Chat away still. Tell him all about your day. Chat, chat and chat. For guys, you have to adjust a little here and listen to your wife. And not just listen, respond too. Share your mind and thoughts together. Don’t have that third party confidant which has seen the death of many marriages.

#10. Admire each other. Over time, couples tend to forget how much they cherish their partners when they first met. This is one of the main reason why another man or woman will appeal to you. Have the attitude that he or she is still the best in the world. Unless, you do this, the value you had for each other will go down. The bible has something to say about this in Prov 31:29.

Many daughters (wives) have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.

Here is a man who still maintains that his wife is the best in the world, even though there are many other good and beautiful women. The same applies to women also. Does your man still appeal to you as the best in the world? Then you need to work on your “lovetitude.”

These are just some tips for firing up the romance in your marriage. You can extend this list by asking each other questions about what you both can do to fire up the relationship. This exercise in itself strengthens the bond between the two of you. You will observe that nothing was made mention of physical intimcay. This is because if there is emotional intimacy (the romance we are talking about), physical intimacy will result. Couples often mistake physical intimacy for sparkling romance, only to discover defects later on. Now I have to mention that these things don’t come easy and naturally, you have to discipline yourself to follow through. The world system is not designed for a lasting marriage; you have to work hard to make it happen.

God is with you!